Ka-ching: When the (first) salary gets too overwhelming

I remember the first time I got my first paycheck during my internship. I got paid weekly and surprisingly, in contrast of my wasteful, extravagant life in LA, I spent a lot less in Florida. My fellow intern whom I shared a housing with, somehow encouraged me to cook at home on weekdays, and even on weekends instead of dining out. As a result, with the paycheck kept on coming, I came to the my most properous state in my life. Even after spending some on leisure like going to Orlando attractions, the amount kept on escalating it reached to a point I became overwhelmed. “What to do with all this money I earned?”

I was younger (slightly from now) and more immature. It all reached to a peak somehow. Last Thanksgiving, I went Black Friday shopping with my intern friends in Orlando. Wallets loaded. Bills were ready to fly out of them. I texted my mom and dad “I will do some massive shopping tonight. Get ready.” They were okay with it since my spending would mostly come out of my own earning.

Midnight passed. The factory outlet was packed with tourists. 1 am, 2 am, my eyes became itchy. Images of elaborate shopping bags flashed in my eyes, displaying various brand logo. Shoppers strutted down the Factory Outlet streets looking full of joy and pride. Some just exited a store carrying more shopping bags in their hands with a wide smile across their face. Most shoppers must have carried at least one Michael Kors shopping bag. That was when I got blinded, not literally. I went looking for the story of then-hyped brand. I had to get something out of it. Michael Kors retail store turned out to be the most crowded stores in all outlets. People tried out handbags of all colors and styles. Some took them immediately to the register.

The bag cost too much unfortunately. $200 for an individual item and that was already discounted. Geez, that's still way too much for me. I dug through the smaller items that cost less than a hundred bucks – wallets. I didn't need a wallet at that time. I just got mine from Indonesia. But screw it, I fucking need to buy a Michael Kors product just so I could strut out of the store looking gleefully like those other shoppers. I didn't give a single damn. I had the money that I earned so might as well. It's amazing how I could get from being the most efficient person to the most wasteful one in just one night.

I knew I had to get something out of the store. I had to carry that shopping bag. I didn't know if I was going to use what I bought from the store. I didn't know whom to buy it for. I was compulsive. Like I had to buy something, you know. I never bought anything branded out of my own pocket so here's my only chance.

I frantically grabbed a wallet from the rack without even comparing its style and color to others, went straight to the register. It was of gold color with MK embedded on it. My brain stopped working. At a moment I was on the line with the other shoppers. The lady behind the counter swiped my debit card and finally put the wallet inside a shopping bag that I saw most people carried – labeled with large Michael Kors logo.

A look of relief plastered across my face. I just bought a branded good with my own money. My heart filled with joy and accomplishment, although really, such practice is just wasteful and a display of consumptive, compulsive behavior

I stopped a couple of feet after exiting the store and looked inside the bag. I stared at the wallet for a while. Well, this wallet is not for me for sure. But well, I thought I'd give it to my mom as a souvenir. A $54-worth souvenir.

Nowadays, I looked back at the experience and thought, was I being responsible for my own earning? I was probably too shocked to have all these fairly good sum sitting in my bank account that I didn't know what to spend it for. When I was exposed to all the branded goods, I let loose my consumptive and went binge shopping. I never shopped so much in my life so that was quite a shocking experience on its own. I always restrained myself when it comes to buying expensive items since I would technically rip my parents off. I would normally think things through, whether the item would be useful in the future.

But that night was an exception. Temptation took me over. I gave in.

My dad could just shake his head after listening to my story. He warmed up a little after knowing I got some goodies for him from my own pocket. But he reminded me to stay responsible on my own earning. He warned me that some people are either buried in debt or live on the run, with what started with uncontrollable desire over money. He knew people who went through that. The story haunted him and my mom. "If you have $100, don't spend it all at once." my dad constantly reminds me. The story is the reason why family educating me to be extra careful in my expenses, so I wouldn't end up like those people.

It's amazing how much power money can have over someone. What I first thought was a myth was proven true.

Lucky me, it only happened one night. My salary came back again the following week, the week after, until it stopped when my internship was over. I was sad that I finally went back to parents-pocket mode, but for some reason, at the same time, I felt strangely relieved. Now that my life is back in control.