Sunday, February 16, 2014

Another subconscious adventure

Warning for unsettling subject matter

The sleep paralysis that once haunted me, came to me again this morning. In case you have no idea what sleep paralysis is, it's a sleep apnea where you're in your subconscious, but you're aware of your surrounding but you can barely move - thus, the feeling of being paralyzed. Except this time, it's slightly different. It's more annoying than creepy. I shared this to my friend, to which surprisingly she replied that she would be excited to have this type of apnea. Really, sleep paralysis is no fun. It's freaking annoying because it kind of absorbs the energy that you're supposed to preserve while you're sleeping. It's very unsettling because you have to struggle to wake up.

Actually, before this episode that happened today, I already woke up at like 8 am. After spending about two hours browsing, I felt sleepy again and fell asleep at 10. I set my alarm at 11 am (an hour later). This was where the weird episode occurred.

On one hand, it felt very much like an adventure in the morning, the kind of one you have that started your day. On the other hand, the confusing nature of it just annoyed you so much.
  1. First Layer
    So I woke up with a blanket over me. I was lying with my back facing the left side of me and me staring at the wall on the right side of the bed (this detail is pretty significant). Then I got up and  brushed my teeth, took a shower, had lunch, and watched something on TV with my roommate. Throughout the moment, I felt nothing but extremely exhausted. It feels like the gravity wanted to pull you down to the earth and you really tried so hard to defy it with all your might.
  2. Second Layer
    Then the scene just cut off like a broken DVD. I opened my eyes and found myself in the same sleeping position like before: my back facing the left side of me and me staring at the wall on the right side of the bed. I realized what I had just now was a dream. I got up in the same fashion. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, and had lunch in the same fashion...except this time, I didn't watch TV with my roommate: I did something else (I think I was cleaning the bathroom, but strangely, I did it with my roommate).
  3. Third LayerThe scene got cut off again. Again, I went through the same waking-up episode. I realized I just had a dream previously. Then I woke up in the exact same position, brushed my teeth, took a shower, had lunch, except this time, I was doing something else. I didn't recall what it was (I think laundry, but it was so vague. I vaguely remembered that I was dragging a heavy bag full of soft fabric into the living room).
Then the dream kept repeating itself until fourth or fifth time. It was getting more vague and vague. I did the first three things similarly (waking up, brushing my teeth, having lunch), and the fourth thing was always different from one layer of dream to another.
I remembered that I was aware I was dreaming when the fourth or fifth layer occurred. I kept telling myself to wake up, which I managed to finally do that on the sixth layer: reality. I woke up in a similar fashion, with a similar position on the bed. But this time, I reassured myself this is reality by touching the fabric of my blanket. When I finally managed to get on my feet, I felt I wasn't exhausted (throughout the five layers of my dreams, I felt nothing but extremely exhausted when I went through the activities).
I tried to talk this over to some friends. One of them gave an interesting insight and said it was lucid dream, and if I was able to control it, I would be able to find art inspiration, which is cool (and it would be a great deal to my art school life). But at the same time, I felt being able to control your dream (which would be possible/impossible) would be a little too much for me. I slept because I wanted to put my body and organs to rest and recharge. I wished my dreams would be the ones that could really contribute to recharging my body, instead of adding an extreme subconscious adventure. But don't worry, I made sure that when I'm writing this blog, I'm not dreaming.
At least now we all know how Mr. Nolan got his idea for his much-renowned film starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

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