The Ugliest Moment: A Flu+Homesick+Jetlag Story

I'm glad I'm halfway through completing my first Design 2 assignment. I know halfway is actually still a long way to go, but I just feel like writing something.

The semester started off quite roughly for me, and even you can say it's one of the worst times I've had in my almost three years of living in US. Over last week, I got back from Indonesia. Up to the part when I reached my apartment, greeted my roommate who was already back here from SF, and unpacked, was still okay. I had anticipated the jetlag and all, but the worse part came the next day.

After trying to sleep at 3 am after unpacking stuff from my gigantic green suitcase. By the way, I did wake up at 5 am in a still okay condition, but that was merely because of jetlag and it's a common issue. Like I said, I've anticipated that. I heard stories of my friends that were still wide awake at dawn after going back from Indonesia to the states, but in my case, I already slept beforehand and woke up at 5 am. Adjusting your body's circadian rhythm to the local time does take time. Right at that time when I initially woke up, I had the weirdest feeling one could ever feel at 5 am. I was hungry, and I could tell that by the funny, grumbling noises from my stomach.

I looked at my phone's clock where US time was displayed alongside a smaller clock, which displayed Indonesian time. It was 7 pm in Indonesia by the time it was 5 am. Uh oh, it was supposedly dinner time in Indonesia. I managed to just continue sleeping and ignore my hunger just so I could go back adjusting myself to US time.

A couple of hours later, I woke up, with the sun already high up, to an even unfamiliar feeling. I had a fever, and no kidding, it was quite high. Everything suddenly turned out to be colder than the air at 5 am. You know that sudden weak feeling that comes to you when you have a fever, and I felt that right at that moment. I tried to get up from my bed, ate a medicine to get rid of the fever, and went back to sleep. Before that, I greeted my roommate and I told her I had a fever, and I probably wouldn't be able to go grocery shopping with her that day.

The sleep was quite brief. I woke up a couple of hours later feeling better, thinking the sleep must have receded the fever. It was almost late afternoon and I thought I could probably drive the grocery store and bought some stuff. After all, I had finished all my food stock before going back to Indonesia last month, so when I got back here to US, my fridge was completely empty. So, I did go shopping with my roommate and ended up getting quite a decent amount of food supplies, but that day, I was feeling extremely lazy to cook for dinner. That pretty makes sense, because I spent the last month having my home meal cooked and served by two maids and mom (compared to the two maids, my mom is a terrible cook, I have to say that), and I also ate out a lot in Indonesia. It was hard to finally gather your determination to cook after my vacation.

Anyway, I ended up eating a can soup for dinner, and that was because I wasn't that hungry at 8 pm. No wonder, it was like morning time in Indonesia. Even it was past breakfast time.

That evening, my roommate and I watched Silver Linings Playbook while munching on our dinner. That was when everything struck back. Beginning the middle of the movie, I felt much colder than ever. I already wore multiple layers of shirts, sweaters, socks, and pajamas, and that still didn't help me. I was initially tempted to ask my roommate if we could turn on the heater, but I remember that heater would cause the electricity bill explode. Even we had a deal in the first place that we would avoid turning on the apartment's heater because of that reason.

The movie was entertaining but I had to suffer over two hours of what was close to hypothermia. I kept shaking myself while trying to enjoy the casual movie. Not to mention, I yawned for 132379 times or so during the movie until I made this awful crying look on my face. My face really did look red, swollen, and so were my eyes that even my roommate was wondering if I was crying because of the movie (but seriously, the movie wasn't sad at all!!!), but I said it was probably because I had been awake all the afternoon while it was actually nighttime in Indonesia.

The movie finished at 10 pm. It wasn't actually a long movie but probably I wasn't feeling well so that's why I thought it was the longest movie I've ever seen. I had to excuse myself with my roommate because I needed to go to sleep right after the movie. My roommate said that in case I needed anything, I should wake her up. Yes, that stupid fever strikes again together with jetlag. I drank another medicine and tried to force myself to sleep, but that didn't happen until around 2 am.

Again, at 5 am, the same feeling that struck me came back, this time, it was a little different, or should I say, it has a different scenario.

It all started with a vague dream. I was certain it was around 5 am when I suddenly felt like I was back home...in Indonesia. It was 7 pm when my mom called me to go downstairs to have dinner with my family. When I opened my eyes in the dream, the whole setting was indeed my home, and I rushed downstairs because I was so hungry. Even in my dream, I remember I was hungry at around the same time too and failed to feed myself (instead, I went back to sleep), but thinking that since I was home, I had all the time in the world to eat anything.

I was already at the dinner table back at home, with spoon and fork but no plates. No rice, no bowls of side dishes, and basically, no food at all. My mom was nowhere to be seen and I started to chew on my own, despite having no food. Actually, at the same time, I was feeling so sad because I thought dinner was going to be served soon but when I came down to the dining table, no one and nothing was there. Not even my mom, dad, or the two maids that usually came about to serve the meal on the table. I was so disappointed, upset, and basically just feeling incomplete. I chewed and soon I started to cry in my dream out of nothing and nowhere. So, I was assuming this must be homesick. In two years living in US, I haven't experienced severe homesick. Not the one that actually makes you cry out of nowhere or crying out that you want to go home. I didn't know what homesick felt like until that dream came up. But I think I had homesick before in Cupertino but I just didn't realize it.

That possible homesick often took place as a dream of me going back to Indonesia, me waking up in my bed in Indonesia, and me being around with my family and friends. Everything looks strangely vivid in my vision, although sometimes in my dream, my “house” doesn't necessarily look like my actual house in Indonesia. It could look slightly different, like a luxurious mansion, or a small villa, but in my dream, I was convinced it was my “home”. When I looked back, I thought the forms of mansion and villa actually represent what I had desired for a physical house. My house in Indonesia doesn't look that perfect for sure.

In Cupertino, I got that dream several times for a few days in a row. I always woke up quizzed after having that dream. No, I didn't even have any slightest desire to go back to Indonesia that time. I did miss my family and friends, as well as my home, but I was quite happy with my life in Cupertino. I tweeted my strange dream that occurred to me for days and it hit me when one of my friends replied. “Your dream usually represents your greatest desire that you keep deep inside you. You probably miss home and your family, but you just don't realize it because you're too much distracted with your life in Cupertino. Plus, if you dream if seeing a specific person, say your family, they actually missed you so much.”

I was like, dang, probably she's right! So yeah, probably it's an unconscious form of homesick.

Well, I went out of topic too fast. Anyway, the connection with the dream I had when I was sick, it was probably a more conscious form of homesick. Indeed, when I was sick last week, I suddenly missed home so bad (duh, but I just got back!!). I imagined the treatment my family would give to me if I was in that particular condition. Before going to sleep, in the dark and in a high fever, I did imagine my mom, dad, or either one of my maids coming in to give me some a bowl of warm porridge. I imagined they would place the porridge on a chair next to my bed so I could reach it easily. But of course, it was only in my imagination. I was there, lying down on my bed alone in the dark, while my roommate was probably already sleeping in the bedroom next door. Even though she told me to come by and call her if I need anything, there was no way I could do that. There was no way I could come up to her and ask her to fix me some tea. That would make an impression to her that I was immature and I couldn't fend for myself.

So I believe that imagination eventually led me to the dream at 5 am local time, or at 7 pm in Indonesia. I probably had a dream of having dinner at the same time of my parents having actual dinner in Indonesia. Okay, this starts to get really scary as we might be talking about “telepathy”. My consciousness surely had traveled back to Indonesia as I haven't really adjusted myself in US after going back to Indonesia. My consciousness wasn't ready for my life in US to take control. Just like what Sigmund Freud theorized about dream, that dream might represent the greatest desire.

The dream of me having dinner went on, until I actually woke up and found myself chewing in my sleep (it was a little embarrassing) and even some tears in my eyes. I wasn't particularly feeling sad at that moment. But yeah, probably I was sad because I found no food in my dream, or maybe because I just longed for my family's treatment in that particular condition. Also, indeed it was 5 am and I was more overwhelmed by the sudden feeling of hunger than sadness, but I was too lazy enough to get up and fix myself some food, not to mention I was having a high fever at that time. For thirty minutes, I was thinking whether I should really just cook another can soup or get this over with by sleeping.

Then I decided to call my dad, asking for his opinion whether it was fine for me to eat that late/early. I couldn't take the hunger anymore. I needed something to eat. So, my dad, who apparently knew that I was sick at that time, advised me to just grab something quick. I took his advice and cooked another can of Campbell soup and made a cup of tea. Right there, I had a bowl of warm can soup and a cup of hot tea – what was supposed to be an early breakfast – on top of the suitcase that I had yet to put back to the closet.

My dad checked me back an hour later just to make sure I had eaten something and remind me to eat a medicine afterwards. I did and then I went back to sleep. The next day, my fever slightly ceased. I was feeling better but just when it happened, I got my period.

I stayed in bed for another day. This time, I really did stayed in bed for the whole day until it got dark. I was feeling better but now the period pain took over. I thought, I should really get this over with before school started tomorrow. In bed, my mind wandered off since I pretty much was being unproductive. You know what happens when you don't do anything. You can kind of daydream and you can explore your wildest thoughts (no, nothing pervy).

It was when I started o kind of imagined what it was like when I was in this particular condition in Indonesia, or maybe in Cupertino. You can say I'm spoiled on this one, but whenever I got sick in Indonesia, someone, whether it was my mom, dad, or either one of the two maids, must have tended me. Whenever I was hungry (because whenever I'm sick, sudden hunger usually strikes), I could just call someone in the house to ask for food. The food would come shortly and it could be anything I wanted. If I had a sudden craving for soto, I would ask for one and it would come immediately. If I suddenly wanted a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, the maid would fix some for me. If I was craving for a bowl of KFC corn soup, I could ask my chauffeur to go and get some for me. If my sickness wasn't getting better, I would be brought to the doctor asap. In this particular condition, my dad also usually went home from his office bringing me a magazine or a book for me to read while bedridden.

That's how things normally go in Indonesia when I'm sick.

In Cupertino, I never got sick, but the worst thing could come when I got my period. Consider that as “not feeling well”. When I got my period at some points, I was glued to bed, aka “paralyzed”. Whenever I moved, the pain was slowly killing me. Elda, my roommate, would come in and bring me some hot tea. When Elda was sick at one point too, Aymee, who lived in a nearby apartment, would come and visit to bring her some porridge, until she forgot her phone and she had to rush back to my apartment to grab it.

Speaking of doctor, my mom and dad had an acquaintance living in Arcadia. She's an Indonesian too and my mom and dad asked her to take me to an Indonesian doctor in Burbank if I hadn't got better for over 3 days. But my fever ceased quickly and I didn't need to go to the doctor anymore.

But here, in Pasadena, everything's different, in a good way. For the first time, I had to tend myself when I was sick. I cooked my own food and it wasn't even the food I craved (duh, it's a can soup for God's sake!). I drank the medicine without having someone handing it to me. When I thought about everything over, including what would happen if I got sick in Indonesia and Cupertino and compared the whole situation with what I was going through that moment here, I initially thought that probably my roommates don't care much about me, or maybe Americans tend to fend themselves if they got into the same situation with me. They're probably be surprised that there was someone, or people, who actually came up to me when I was bedridden either in Indonesia or Cupertino, bringing something to make me feel better.

I got carried away in my thoughts before I finally reminisced what my roommate said the other day. She told me to come up to her if I need something, or if I need her help. That very night, my other roommate came back. She came to my room with a heater she brought from home and told me to use it so I could get rid of my fever. She also told me that she could drive my other roommate to school the next day if I happened to stay at home for bedrest, despite the fact that she actually had no class the next day (I was supposed to have class the next day and my other roommate was supposed to carpool with me). She also told me to leave my car key at the pantry so she could move my car (because my car was blocking hers in the parking lot).

Even the next day, I got bunch of messages and texts from my friends and classmates who wished me to get better and even one gave me some advice to drink ginger tea, in order to get rid of the fever. They even sent me what I had missed in the two classes. Yes, I skipped two classes at a time because apparently I was still feeling so dizzy. My fever has almost completely ceased thanks to the heater that my roommate had lent to me. It really helped me a lot. But the dizziness had not. Another day off wouldn't hurt. I emailed my teacher to tell them about my condition and asked them not to drop me from the classes because I already asked my friends to tell me what I'd miss in class.

Well, apparently, it was flu season and by the day I had it, it was the worst moment of the season. Not to mention I wasn't the only one who thought those days were really cold. So a lot of people had it. Even my friends and roommates said that by the time I got sick, the weather wasn't friendly either. It was so dang cold and I guess it's got to be one of the coldest days of this year's winter, but don't worry, it's gotten warmer these days.

After a while, I realized how people's caring is shown in different ways. People don't have to come up to you with the food and drink that you're craving or book that you want to read while in bed.

Anyway, I moved on afterwards. I started going to school the next day, seeing my friends, and that's it. No more jetlag, sickness, nor homesick. Well, I had to give an exception to jetlag. That was pretty difficult as it usually took me about a week or so to completely get rid of it. Even in the first day of typography class, I think I dozed off a little. Hope my professor understood that I had a jetlag. The week after, as you can see, I got my social life back. I hung out with my friends two days in a row to celebrate the long weekend and I started doing my projects as well.

Apparently, all I need to get rid of that sickness is just to get busy with my life. I need something to distract me in a good way so I wouldn't let my wildest imagination run off back to Indonesia. Even sometimes, when I like being here so much, I would have no wish to go back home to Indonesia on breaks. This is actually what happened on winter break and last summer break. I had to go back on summer break because I was moving from San Francisco to Los Angeles, and on winter break, a couple of months after the summer break, I had to go back to Indonesia to deal with passport extension and some other legal stuff.

Well, I think I've talked a little too much this time. I have to go now and continue my Design 2 projects. IT'S FREAKING DUE TOMORROW!!! Okay thanks byeeee